


Desire

by Squart



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: F/F, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 19:24:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12688665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squart/pseuds/Squart
Summary: She had thought that becoming apart of Team Skull would help her, make her feel like she had a home. And for a while, it did; but old habits die hard, and she can feel herself slip back into the destructive coping mechanisms again, longing for the kind of life she might never be able to reach. A story in which she relearns who she is, recovers, grows, and loves, all while having the Admin by her side.





	Desire

**Author's Note:**

> Ah hello! It's been a while since I posted anything or even wrote anything for that matter - I've had this chapter siting in my docs ever since Sun and Moon first came out, and I'm finally confident enough with the first chapter to post. I have a lot of big ideas for this story that I can hopefully write out! 
> 
> Warnings: This chapter has self-harming in it

The Shady House was home to many of Alola’s troubled teens and adults. Unwanted, cast away by their families and friends, nowhere to go to but a life a crime. What did it matter if they stole or defaced property? As long as they had a place to sleep, eat, and feel wanted, that was all they really needed to survive.

 

Grunt 26 - a 19-year-old girl with nothing but the clothes on her back joined Team Skull around 2 years ago, finally being in a place where people didn’t judge her, they didn’t hate her; if anything, they welcomed her. Once she was able to prove she was worthy of the skull emblem, she had been met with open arms from her fellow grunts ever since. She threw away her name, her looks - things that connected her to her past life that she should have forgotten about. They helped her catch her first pokemon which evolved into a raticate, a dream she never thought would come true. However, not even the best moments in her life could keep her chin up for very long; the thoughts of her family and friends she left behind always nagged at her in the back of her head. 

 

She fell back into bad habits. Smoking, drinking, self harm - but she was good at hiding the latter, the wristbands of the uniform were a blessing.

 

Waking up she started her morning routine flawlessly - swiftly getting dressed in her uniform that she wore with pride, grabbing her pokeball and exchanging greetings with her fellow grunts as she left the shared bedroom. She was stopped a few times to make small talk, give high fives and the like. They stalled her but didn’t completely stop her from what was also a part of her everyday ritual. As soon as the door to the bathroom, her oasis, was in view and empty, she made a beeline straight to it. Her sanctuary, the one place she could cope in her clearly unhealthy ways, one place no one would really bat an eye at if she were in for just a little too long. She stepped in as casually as she could before closing the door behind her and locking it, another thing that would be relatively un-suspicious given her current location. Everyone wanted privacy every now and then - she just happened to need it every morning.

 

The grunt made her way to the toilet before flipping the seat down and sitting atop of it.  _ This was it _ , she thought, _ here we go again _ . Reaching into her pocket she felt it, the small razor blade wrapped up in a small piece of cloth she always kept on her; a comfort, a way to feel in control. She took it out and like a robot she slipped her wristbands off and began. She raised the blade and put it above her forearm, hesitating slightly. She always hesitated at first. But then, faces of her relatives and past friends came to mind, and the motions were swift and automatic as she began to cut herself.

 

She thought back to her mother’s words the day she decided to run away from home,

 

_ “Go ahead, leave. We’ll be better off without you here.” _

 

_ ‘You’re right mom,’ _ she thought, creating new fresh slices above the old ones,  _ ‘You’re right you’re right you’re right’ _ . It was easy to do this after she got going, going into something of a trance as she sliced and sliced, feeling the cuts burn and little beads of blood rise up to the surface. It was a rush, one she never had from anything else, one that nicotine or alcohol couldn’t possibly provide. She could feel some kind of emotion rise up into her chest, and it wasn’t until she looked down did she realize how bad it actually was.

“Shit,” she cursed under her breath before getting up to wash and clean her wounds with soap and water. It was then she felt the immense feeling of guilt pool in her stomach; how many times was she going to do this? It was already daily. This was one of the things her mom was furious at her for, one of the things she kicked her out for.

 

_ ‘How can you destroy the body Arceus gave you? Crafted for you with care? Your body’s a temple, and you treat it like this! How many sins will you commit? How much Hell must you put us through until you learn?’  _

Her eyes started to burn, a large lump forming in her throat. She was disgusted with herself, but it felt good to cut, felt good to be in control, but at the same time -

 

As she finished cleaning the best she could she grabbed some gauze and wrapped her arm, still thankful the wristbands would cover everything she did. She wrapped the blade back up and started to put it in her pocket when a bang on the door made her jump and drop her blade,

 

“Grunt, you’ve been in there for a while now. There are others that need to piss, you know… I don’t really appreciate having to be called just to drag some out of the bathroom.”

 

“M-miss Plumeria! I’m so sorry, I-” The grunt turned around in a panic, knocking a few beer bottles off of the sink, sending them crashing to the floor. Who the hell left these here, anyway? You gotta drink and shit at the same time? She didn't remember seeing them when she came in. Quickly falling to her knees, she scrambled and tried to find the blade she dropped, not caring about the broken glass that lodged itself into her palms. She felt a cold sweat form, she started to panik - she needed her blade, she needed to be able to feel it in her pocket, know she had control, know that she was safe -

 

“Grunt? What’s going on?”

 

The sound of the door being kicked open and lock being snapped in half made the girl whip her head up to look at the admin - her eyes widened and she stood up as fast as she could, hiding her hands behind her back, trying hard to act casual and hide the fear that was welling up inside her,

“Miss Plumeria! I’m sorry, this won’t happen again, I just fell asleep you know, heh, how embarrassing --” The grunt shut her mouth, pursing her lips, Plumeria’s gaze making her break out into an even worse sweat - she knew if she kept talking, she’d only make things worse. She thanked the Tapus the other grunts had gotten Plumeria and not Guzma - the admin was much more forgiving than their leader, who probably would've ripped the door off its hinges in an attempt to get her out. Breaking the lock was - well - not as bad, she guessed.

 

“What’re you hiding?” The question only made the younger girl even more anxious than before. She stayed silent, not daring to look at the other. After a few agonizing minutes of silence she slowly showed her hands to the admin,

 

“I broke some bottles and -- tried cleaning it up. I’ll clean the rest once I uh, take care of this.” 

 

The grunt didn’t look up again until she felt a soft grip on her forearm, one much softer than it should’ve been. Plumeria lead her towards the sink and ran the water, carefully letting it rinse off the wounds. She rummaged through a cabinet, taking out some bandages and tweezers before walking back towards the grunt and squirting some soap into her hand, gently working it over the cuts, trying her best to pluck and pry the small pieces of glass out,

 

“I know you grunts are clumsy but please, use some common sense before doing something stupid,” The woman’s words stung, but she was right. She wasn’t thinking, she was acting impulsively like always, the scars on her arms proof of that. The water stopped and Plumeria grabbed a towel from the rack and dabbed at the grunt’s wet hands before starting to bandage her up.

“You had me worried sick,” she started, “You had a lot of the grunts worried, too, being in here for so long.” 

“I’m sorry… I kind of.. Lost track of time in here.”   
“Well, don’t let it happen ag-” Plumeria stopped. She saw the gauze peaking out from under the Grunt’s sweatband. It was then the Grunt could feel her heart stop.

_ ‘Please don’t ask please don’t ask please don’t ask _ ’ she chanted in her head,  _ ‘please don’t think anything of it, oh Tapu Bulu, I’m begging,’ _

 

A full minute went by of silence, Plumeria kept rolling the bandages but slower, not speaking up again until she was finished.

“Come to my room tonight so I can check on those cuts.”

“Y…. Yes ma’am,” She spoke weakly, not daring to look up into the woman’s eyes. Surely she only meant the cuts in her palms, right? She swallowed, waiting until Plumeria left and her footsteps were barely audible before following suit and leaving her room of what used to be comfort and solitude.


End file.
